Sometimes all we need is silence to hear our thoughts. There are times we need to drown ourselves in loud music to drown our sorrows. Then there are moments where we feel like it is you against all the odds. I feel like I am going through a battle that no one can see or hear. I know I am not alone … that there are people out there who are facing the same struggles, if not much more than what I am going through.
But that’s the thing … that’s their story. Not mine. My own struggles are hard enough. Not to be religious or anything, as not everyone believes the same stuff – but my mama always reminds me that God does not give us any trials we can’t handle.
Bless her. She is such a beautiful woman … inside and out. I wish I have at least half of her strength.
Sometimes I ask …
“Are you sure I can do this?”
“Am I such a bad person to deserve this?”
I would cry my tears away while I’m in the shower because I am tired of looking weak. I am frustrated with things that I don’t know how to resolve. So I’ve decided I am documenting our journey to “chasing angels” … that maybe, somehow, somewhere an angel will find its way to our arms. I am totally new to the world of IVF but I will try my best if not my hardest to do everything to make our family complete.
We tried looking into IVF and found out that Tricare does not cover the treatment. So my husband and I ventured on the road of uncertainty … doing things on our own and out of pocket. We found out about Walter Reed in DC and figured we can travel from NJ to DC if we have to. We started doing the preliminary stuff last year (2015) then he had to deploy to Kuwait. All I could exclaim to myself was “really?” … it felt like a cruel joke. We finally started and then this. Everything had to be put on hold.
Fast forward to his return. Finally! We started looking into the steps where we left off. On September 17th I stumbled across the “Helping Heroes Build Families” Program through “The Spouses and Members of JBMDL” facebook group. I swear I wished I have known about this sooner.
RMANJ introduced the Helping Heroes Build Families program to help address the financial difficulties our military heroes and their spouses face when trying to have a family. Since its introduction, RMANJ has provided over $150,000 dollars worth of free services to New Jersey-based active duty military personnel. Helping Heroes Build Families provides ONE complimentary in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle to qualifying New Jersey-based service members and their spouses. Est 2012 [read more here]
While the medication, anesthesia and complementary care (massage therapy, acupuncture, etc.) are not included – it is still a huge help! It is free for the first time … so we are keeping our fingers crossed that everything will work out on our first try.